Action

It’s been some time since I did not write anything. And surprisingly I stopped at the Action post planned to follow. Can I find excuses for not acting? Of course! Are they valid? Not really.

I would cast my inaction to procrastination. Procrastination is a form of laziness in my opinion, or to be accurate, the actual result of why I did not write for so long.
The bottom line is, no matter what we want and how much we want it, if there are no well-designed actions planned and followed every day with regularity, nothing will change, we will not change.
I guess I am driven unconsciously by self-destructive principle, the desire for miserable self that sits deep down and holds me there by my unconscious mind.
In a perfect world, each one of us would have everything it desires. Our world is ideal the way it is, only that we don’t get what we want, we get what we deserve, and my result with this blog post is an obvious evidence.

We started our journey a few months ago to practice Self-Loyalty.

Awareness awakens interest, and when you are intrigued enough, the desire to act comes in, and it is your time to take action and get results.
Act when the ideas are fresh and emotions are strong. Don’t procrastinate and feel hopeless as it leads to failure. Use all your knowledge and ambitions into your daily activities and the things that will come for you will be astonishing.
Failure is inaction on the set plan, goals and aspirations. Failure also arise from mistaking movement for achievement. We work hard and long sometimes, and yet the result does not come, and we are dreadfully disappointed feeling wronged.
Don’t let the idea of failure to influence your future. Make a plan, step by step and stick to it. Review the progress in a timely manner and take corrective actions where necessary.

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Desire

This is a hard one. We all have desires, for so many things, but…

What is desire anyway, and how does it influence us?

I started this post over a week ago, and I cannot yet put my thoughts together to deliver this the way I want it.

I can associate desire with cravings, for better clarity and ease of contrast. When we crave for cake, we take all the necessary actions to get it. And those actions are well planned and directed to the final goal: cake. We take all the required steps: change our route from work, find time and excuses for it, and finally get it. And the joy is tremendous; we’ve got what we want, and it makes us happy and somehow proud!!!

Desire on its own is a feeling of need, want, demand, or wish for a result or outcome. It will not get done without a set of action in place. It takes effort and energy to achieve the desired result, and this is the hard part where we all stop. 

I believe the desire to be the Alpha and Omega of our existence. All the progress in life and its quality is due to someone’s desire for something better, more and/or different.

It drives us to a better future, to a happier life, achievement, and prosperity. However the cost must eventually be paid, and here is where the troubles begin. We want outcomes without paying the price, and we believe that by wishing for, it will come along. NO WAY! Nothing in life is free.  

How, then, can we increase the positive result of making our desires come true? Here are some steps that can help with getting on the track of achievement:

1. Write down what you desire the most; make sure to include details and reasons for them.
2. Analyse each point in terms of its reasonableness, honesty, and importance.
3. Write next to each one the barriers you currently see that stops you from achieving it.
4. Find a solution and make a plan. There is nothing in the world today that we cannot learn or obtain from somewhere or someone. 
5. Break down your plan into small steps and start acting.
6. CHECK your progress in reasonable time intervals and keep your focus on the plan. 

Only you alone are responsible for the result, and only you can decide how, when and if you will achieve it. Be devoted to yourself and to your desires. Take the necessary steps towards your wishes. Pay the necessary price and most importantly DO IT FOR YOU!

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Interest

We are in our way to get some Loyalty to ourselves. Once Awareness has been well understood and accepted by each one personally, it’s time to move to the next step.

We are in demand for Interest from everywhere and everyone. Be it acknowledgment, approval, support, someone to notice us, etc. We are giving our interest to everything and anything around us, all but ourselves.

We aim to correct someone when they are wrong, and guide them when they are lost, advise when there is a solution… and yet, we do not use our own interest and suggestions for our own benefit.

WHY?

It’s human nature, and it’s easier to guide others. It’s hard to work on your own benefit, and we tend to be self-destructive, we tend to remain miserable…

But we are now in the process of changing! There is no magic formula. There is only hard work, devotion and willingness to pay the price. And the price is high, very high.

We want to achieve something, but don’t have the strength to start, because:

1. We may give up, and we are afraid of failure
2. We will be forced to continue to keep our reputation
3. We will have to actually DO what it takes, and this is hard, and we are too lazy…
4. We don’t care that much about ourselves, hence the sabotage.

For things to change, you must change! No one will ever be able to do the hard work for you. You want to learn something, just do it. Want to exercise, get a profession, a new skill, a hobby, just do it. Find out what is required of you to achieve it! Show interest, devotion, and consistency, and it will get you where you want to arrive.

Nothing is free in our lives, and nothing is easy. And when I am talking about costs, I do not necessarily mean the economic part. Price may be time, effort, conditions, sacrifice. Anything that keeps you from achieving your goal has a cost attached to it.

The funny thing though is that personal interest works the same way as bank interest. The more you keep your attention to an area, the more growth you see in that particular matter. Once you draw your attention away, the results/level of achievement stops or drops as if you withdrew your money from the bank… And when we are thinking of financials, we do not prevent our income from accumulating, though we easily sabotage our goals, by getting distracted with whatever we can find, but not with what we need…

Stop undermining yourselves! Start working on your needs! Pay the necessary price, and achieve your dreams!!!

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Awareness

Let’s start the journey together to become loyal to ourselves. The first step is Awareness. There are many definitions and types of awareness, but I would like to mention conscious awareness, unconscious awareness, and no awareness at all.

The latter is definitely the worst of all; not knowing something and not doing anything about it is the worst personal state. Imagine that you go to the North Pole in your swimwear, and when you get there, tough luck, it’s freezing. I know this is a silly example, but unawareness will hurt you, no matter what.

We constantly find excuses using the “I don’t know” what, how, when, where, etc. because it is convenient for us, when we are really covering for our inaction, non-interest or laziness to get ourselves to do something, achieve a goal, start a new job, a hobby, a class…

We need to pass this stage and get busy. We need to apply conscious awareness, to start doing something knowingly and realising what and why we are doing it. Think of driving a car. The first time, the first lesson, you think of every move and action before it happens, turn the wheel and tap that pedal knowingly to achieve the desired result – driving.
Now, after years of driving, all efforts are unconscious, we drive home and sometimes think for yourself “When did I get here???” We are not thinking of the moves anymore, it is all saved there and we act automatically. This is the stage and state we want to achieve.

And it all starts with conscious awareness. It is hard, though, to get yourself to do something if you do not have a genuine interest and immediate need. Why? It’s easier no to do it.

I need to exercise and I know it, and I feel the need to do it. I started once for a while and then stopped. “Too busy at work”, “Three kids at home”, “Too tired”, “Swamped”, and I realize now that I am too lazy and all the above are just excuses.

The reality is that no one was checking me on the results. I was not accountable to anyone but myself, and it is difficult to push myself to achieve something, for me, on my own, while not demanded to by an external party, i.e., no one cares about it except myself. If this was a demand from work where I would be held accountable for the result, sure thing, I would do it and even show off my achievements. But, like many of us, I sabotage myself. As I said, human nature is self-destructive…

Only with conscious actions repeated, again and again, we will get to unconscious awareness. When we act automatically, doing what we’ve learned so well, where it comes naturally and so comfortable, without efforts and struggle.

How to get there? There are many books, articles and courses on every subject. The first significant action is to be objective about ourselves.

We need to understand what we need, what we want, when we need it, WHY we need it and what is keeping us from achieving it?

It is crucial to clarify the WHY factor. If the why is clear, the HOW is then easy. Set one small task that you will commit to every day for one month, let’s say, and keep doing it without excuses and regret.
Keep a journal, write down your goals and your plans. Check the achievement and non-achievement and make improvements where needed. Keep a record of results every week, so you can correct yourself in time before it is too late.

Sounds easy? I thought so too. But unless you push yourself, no one else will do it for you. You have to push yourself to achieve what you want, get where you want, become whom you wish to! Be brave, take action today and make your wish come true tomorrow!!!

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Loyalty

What actually is loyalty???

Cambridge dictionary defines it as: “Firm and not changing in your friendship with or support for a person or an organization, or in your belief in your principle.”

We are loyal to our parents, family, friends, our job, the next-door supermarket, a coffee shop, a cup that we love and wouldn’t change it…. but we are NOT loyal to ourselves…

Have you ever thought about this? Are you truthful, faithful, and devoted to YOUR self??? I would love to hear from you about this. Please feel free to leave your comments and share your beliefs on this topic.

It’s interesting though when you think about it. We’d do anything for someone else but won’t do it for ourselves. It may sound like egoism, but this is not the point I want to make here. We help a friend achieve a goal, get somewhere, buy something, morally support them, emotionally share and engage with them, but when it comes to us, we avoid supporting ourselves to achieve, to get, gain, etc.

Why is that? Possibly because of our self-destructive nature, as I mentioned in my previous post. Can we do something about it? Of course, but this is the hardest and most challenging task to perform.

We would love to see a magic formula or “five steps to successful me,” or “X steps to follow to become…” in our search for action. Just to tick off a box indicating that we tried and nothing happened, no magical transformation, just the same miserable me still left to carry on.

Do we really try? Do we devote ourselves to a cause and course of action and make everything possible to achieve our goal? The truth is NO. And as much we try to convince ourselves the opposite, this is not true.

We blame most of our non-achievement and inaction to lack of time, lack of power, circumstances, economic status, family, nature, you name it. We are so creative of finding dozens of excuses when all we need is one.

We are, though, very creative and flexible in finding time for what we decide to. If a woman chooses to do something or go somewhere, she will find the time, the way, the finances and she will do it. All she needs is a decision.

You see, the significant factor here is the choice. It is our choice what we include in our priorities, and by default, ourselves are always the last to be cared about. It’s time to change that and change it today. One small action repeated every day will become a habit, and ultimately get you to the desired change.

Don’t jump to change all the things in one day, as you will not achieve anything. On the contrary, it will be hard, unattainable, and you will get frustrated and unhappy with yourself, feeling useless and unworthy.

We have our pattern of daily actions set for a long period of time. Any changes to that pattern make us feel discomfort and frustration; hence, when changing that pattern dramatically, it may have a negative impact instead of getting benefiting from it.

What is it that YOU want? Make a list, choose the easiest and least time-consuming one, and plan its implementation.

I will start with exercising every day for 15 minutes in the morning. Can I do it? I guess. Do I have time? I can make the time: wake up 30 minutes earlier. Do I have the strength? I will gain it through exercise. And to be resultative, I will drag my son to join me. It is difficult to get a child to exercise these days, and it will give me the stimulus to keep going.

You see, automatically I switched to my son, so that I get the ‘stimulus’, whereas the truth is that we are always keen to enhance someone else, to offer a benefit to someone else and we never concentrate on ourselves as a primary need.

Anyway, we must take the necessary steps to achieve OUR ultimate goal! I will keep you informed of my progress!

Stop compromising yourself! Start ONE small action today!

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Depression

There are many types of depression. I want to talk about the activity of depression, the state we get when we don’t even want to move, that state where any action feels overwhelming and even the thought of it makes us tired.

This is the state of apathy. It is below our power to change it. It takes great effort and pressure for our inner self to get out of this state. It is not only difficult, it feels nearly unattainable.

There is no magic method to get out of it. Unless one wants to get out of that state, there is no shortcut or a pre-designed formula. No matter how much support and advise you get. Only when you get to the stage where you are sick of yourself, when you get some kind of emotion you start to want to change.

Do you like where you are right now? If not, change it. As Jim Rohn said: You are not a tree! . Take small actions every day. Don’t think that you will start all full range of actions and keep changing by the minute. This is where we are in default.

We wake up one day and set a range of new rules, diets, actions, priority and plan to perform all those and stick to the plan.

By the end of the day, we are so tired, that we are not happy with the plan, and even worse, we tell ourselves that this will never work, it is not for us… and make a lot of excuses to avoid change.

Hence, it is better to take one action at a time. Start with a small walk around the block daily for few minutes. After a few days, get it to half hour, and after few weeks to one hour or so. This way, day by day, sticking to one action at a time and improving / increasing the target makes you feel good about yourself, encouraging you to take another action, proving to yourself that you can do it!

Listen to every opinion and advise, but only take what suits you. Only YOU know yourself better that anyone. However you should not allow your mind to compromise yourself. It would be really nice and comforting to blame others for our state, but at the end of the day, we decided to take this downhill, when we gave up, we got tired and fed up and got disgusted by the environment and behaviours around us.

Be strong, be yourself, keep going, take actions that keep you sane, take the steps that will up-lift you and make you happy. Have faith in yourself!!!

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Self-destruction

Human beings are self-destructive. We do all the things we should NOT do and we often choose the worst actions, food, hobbies, professions, etc., just because we tend to be miserable…

Just think about it: we gain weight, and this bothers us, and we always consider how and when we should start that diet. Instead, we eat in all our anger, getting more weight, and feeling even worse about it.

And then, as this is not enough, we drink one evening, as we tell ourselves that we deserve it. And in the morning with our hangover and half memory of how we acted, what we said and what we’ve done while we were drunk, we feel even worse.

Correct me if I am wrong but this is self-destruction; the tendency towards a miserable oneself.
I’ve come up with an idea: we have to drink only when we are happy, celebrating something or enjoying a good company. And even then with reasonable measure! Then even if you get drunk, the next day you feel pleased that the planned good time went well, even with the hangover it was worth it!

I read in an article that once you know something, you stick to that information and you cannot act anymore as if you didn’t know it. And I could not agree more; if you hear that a friend has a problem, you cannot disregard it, you think of it, inquire to learn more, etc.

The only difference is in the reaction time of different people to different information, as we apply/use this information at different levels and intervals. Let’s say your blood sugar is high. The remedy: cut back on sweets and get some treatment. Do we do it straight away? No way!!! With only a small exception, all of us keep the same pattern of eating sweets. But the information is there; every time we even think of desserts, it comes up in our mind. And magically, we find ourselves accepting the fact that this time it will make no difference, or this small bite will not kill us… and so on.

At one point, though, we will take those corrective actions, as we are AWARE that the sweets are no good for us. However we find ourselves unhappy again, due to delay in taking actions , as we are torturing our selves as a result of our self-destructive nature.

Can we be better? Of course! Is it easy? No way…

It’s easy when it comes to others. We have the perfect solution ‘for our friend’, and we are very good at advising them. But we don’t do this with ourselves…

It’s not easy. But we can do it. One thing at a time. What bothers you more? What gives you sleepless nights? What frustrates you? Take this one problem and do something about it. The hardest part is the beginning. Once you start and keep doing it for a few weeks, it will become a habit, and then you can move to the second problem.

Take action today! Be better!

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My First Blog Post

The new me…

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

It’s time. The funny thing is that when the time is right, we do all the necessary tasks, plans, learning, all kind of things that seemed so difficult or even unattainable… I have been trying to set this blog for several years now, paid the site for few years in advance just to know that is there, waiting for me, and yet, never started. Last night I was trying to cheer-up my daughter, and it came to me: start a blog I told her! and I remembered that I did not started mine, even though it was there.

And here I am, first thing in the morning, set up my blog, and finally getting started!

Here is to new long waited beginnings! Subscribe below and let’s take this journey together!

The new me…

Hello Ladies! My name is Aliona and I am 40 years old. I have three children, and a second marriage. I was born and raised in a “third” country. Why is this important? Because it made me whom I am today!

I believe in women’s power, and from my personal experience I can say: You can be and become whatever YOU want!

To pass the experiences and encourage, guide, advise and empower someone it takes two involved parties. I strive to impact positively my friends, and everyday I meet new ladies that needs uplifting, support and counselling.

Sometimes a simple quote, a headline in an article, a movie sentence can change our mood, give us power, change our mind. I want to create my blog for you Ladies, so it becomes a retreat for you and an inspiration to achieve or become whom you want!

I believe in women solidarity, and all of us together are changing the world! Be part of it, take advantage of my blog, you are not alone!